Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
