The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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