Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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