I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
