The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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