i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
