it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
