We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
