Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
