im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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