I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
