I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize