Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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