he puts the penis in happiness.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
