Porn is love you can see.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
