if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
