now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
