i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
