I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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