Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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