I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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