You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
