All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
