nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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