just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
