omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
