At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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