I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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