ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
