Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
