He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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