oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
