id be glad to
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
