she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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