sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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