Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
