Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
