I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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