Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
