I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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