im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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