I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
