the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
