My pussy is not your playground.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
