theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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