Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
