and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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