So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
