i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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