Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
