you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And my parents said I crawled through the house
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
