ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
