ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
