My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
NoShamevember. You game?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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