Is it because I queefed?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize