This girl is more easily done than said...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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