someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
