We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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