YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
