I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
