May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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