last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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