Me too!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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