My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
