I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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