Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
