Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
