Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
