Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
