The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
