i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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