Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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