Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dignity is for republicans.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
