Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
