So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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