were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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