Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
