I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In America we eat man semen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
