i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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