Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
