ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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