is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
