Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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