I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
