the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
