sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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