and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize