im about as happy as oj after his trial
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
