i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
