Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Your penis caused this!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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