ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize