Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
