we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
