I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
