i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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