I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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